It is Better To Give Than To Receive

Holiday season is my favorite time of year. The brisk air energizes me. I love the music. The anticipation of getting together with family, and just the pure joy of the season. Yes, it has become a very commercialized time of year and many celebrate the Christmas holiday without knowing the true cause for the celebration; however, I reflected on this even more this year because I want my children to understand what Christmas is all about.

My five year old understands what wrapped gifts mean and knows when the time comes he will get to unwrap those with his name on them. Within the pretty paper will be something new and fun for him to play with, read, wear, eat, or look at with a new excitement and enthusiasm. Our children have way more than they should, but it is so much fun to watch their eyes light up and a giant smile develop when they receive something. This year I noticed something very interesting, my son was just as excited to watch me, my husband, and my daughter open our gifts. For some he helped pick out the gifts and wrap them. For others he was just as surprised when we unwrapped our gifts. This pleased me because he realized that this was about all of us and tunderstood he pleasure giving to others.

At preschool this year we received an Operation Christmas Gift box in which my son purchased a gift for a needy child. He chose to buy for a girl who was his own age. Man, we scrambled through Wal-Mart filling the box. He wanted to give her the world. Unfortunately, we don't have the funds to do that, but it was so pleasing to see the enthusiasm he had to buy for someone he didn't even know. Now, trying to explain poverty to a 5 year old is rather challenging. I had to explain that they didn't have enough money to purchase toys and unnecessary items, but we do have a little extra that we can give to others. At that time my sister calls to say that she will be home in a week and will be bringing him a gift. His response, "You don't need to buy me presents...my mom and dad have money, they can buy me presents."

We finished our shopping and then went home to prepare the gift. Jace wanted to include a personally drawn picture inside the gift.

We went to our local Living Nativity presentation about the birth of Jesus. I thought explaining poverty was difficult, but trying to explain the Living Nativity brought on a whole new berth of questions (sorry for the pun). Angels, stars, shepherds, wise men, a manger, and why is Jesus so special anyway? Can he see everyone? Can he see me now? How? What are angels? Are there angels in here now? Why can't I see them? How did she have the baby so quick? and the list goes on. Needless to say, we didn't get a great deal from the living nativity. He did carry the infant Jesus up at the midnight mass procession, and he did a wonderful job of placing baby Jesus in the manger. There were no more questions about his birth this year and I'm grateful.

On another note...I want to write this last Christmas story before I forget the quote. While playing around the fire pit during a Christmas get together at my mom and dad's house I stopped him from goofing around. I got down at his eye-level, and ever so seriously said to him, "What would happen if you fell in the fire pit?" Matter of factly he responds, "Stop, drop and roll."

Is it Really a Full Moon?

This week was a rough one at school, literally! Three moms and their daughters in a cat fight, six boys and three classroom altercations, and two teachers in a stand off...not to mention my daughter and I in a two hour head to head battle about a bath on Saturday morning.

I have never seen girl hate as I did this week. It was the textbook definition that left me absolutely speechless. I just wanted to knock them over their heads! They tore each other apart with words, emotions, texts, and the ever present pointy finger in the face. Why? A boy...why do we do that to ourselves and why isn't anyone mad at him? Fortunately, I got to leave the mediation early and I am not certain what was worked out, but I'm sure this ugly thing will rear its head again.

Now the three classroom physical altercations indicate that a boiling point emerged. In each event my role included telling them that any type of physical retaliation is intolerable, explained to them how to deal with it in the future, and each one had to write 15 nice things about the other. I think the latter was the worst part of the punishment!

Why we continue to tolerate incooperation with our colleagues boggles my mind. The vast majority of us try to work together, but the actions of a few make it so miserable for the rest. How is that fair? I haven't quite figured that out yet. I just hope that I can last longer than they can. I guess I do have the upper hand...my chances of getting another job are greatly improved over theirs. Why don't I do that then?

Finally, my daughter has decided that she hates baths...why, no one knows. For over two hours she sat on her potty refusing to take a bath. I cleaned her closet, vaccuumed the upstairs, sorted through toys, and ate lunch. Well, my patience was tested and she eventually took the bath. I wanted her to make the decision to get in herself, but I didn't put her in until I got a "yes" from her when I asked. I probably got much more accomplished as I worked through my frustration than I would have if she cooperated. I suppose that is the silver lining!

Quiet

We are so connected that when a person finally can experience a quiet and serene atomosphere it is difficult to turn off the brain. Just try it...can you spend one hour with no television, radio, computer, music creating sound the background?

Why is that we feel guilty when we sit and just observe for a period of time? Isn't is acceptable to spend minutes each day that are not scheduled? Why must every moment be filled with something?

Take time to get used to the quiet. It can be unnerving at first, but get through that first awkaward time and then it becomes quite enjoyable. Take a guilt free 15 minutes to clear the brain and mind, it is amazing how it can help get through the most difficult of situations.

What to do when you are in quiet...fill your brain with positive thoughts and self-talk. Think of the things you are thankful for: the crisp fall air, the good friend who helped you out a jam, healthy family, doting parents, good co-workers, the fact that you have a secure job, a great spouse, the courage to stand up for yourself, or that great cup of coffee each morning you wake up.

I need to take my own advice on a regular basis...

Oh The Places You'll Go

Oh the places those little feet will carry you. The journey has only just begun. The miles they will travel and the stories they can tell of fantasy, sadness, excitement, and wonder are infinite. Never let them stop moving for that will be the end of your journey and the end of your story.

Do Your Child a Favor...

Do your child a favor and allow him to solve his own problems. As a parent we never want our children to hurt or suffer, but it is those experiences that makes our children become the person we want them to be: strong, authentic, and resilient. Yes...resilient.

Absolutely, in a perfect world no person, young or old, should endure hurtful words or actions, but we all know this is not a perfect world. When our child hurts, we hurt, but we must put those feelings aside and take the opportunity to teach him how to respond because it is a cruel world out there. Do you really want the real world to be his first experience with cruelty?

Other important characteristics we want our children to acquire: confidence to ask questions in adverse situations, the desire to know truth, ability to empathize, and the healing effects of an apology. How can our children learn these with some adversity in their life?

These skills can all be learned at the earliest years.

"I don't understand this math, can you please help me?"
This does not indciate stupidity, but recognition that "I do not not know everything" and others can help me. When we recognize and accept that we will never know everything and others will help, we have the confidence to ask others. Won't life be so much easier when they know how to ask for help?

"Sally told Mary that I don't like her." & "Mr. D gave me a detention, he doesn't like me."
Often we let these types of statements control our emotions. When we hear our children say these types of statements we might feel hurt right along with them. Rather than that, suggest that they ask questions and seek the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but when the truth is sought out, often a resolution can be reached. Isn't harmony what we all want anyway?

"Haha. Johnny missed the ball during kickball."
If we hear a statement like this it is a perfect opportunity to examine our personal weaknesses and discuss those insecurities. When we can admit that we aren't perfect then we can empathize with others and their struggles. Isn't nice when someone tries to understand and help rather than sit there and laugh?

"I'm sorry."
The sooner we teach our children to say these two words with sincerity, and they learn how to change as result of it, the world will be a much better place. We have all experineced insincere apologies, and we have experience sincere apologies. Nothing can be more healing, for both parties, with a sincere admission of a mistake and the willingness to change for the better. Won't life be so much better when our children can admit that they made a mistake and move on?

Our children's mistakes are not a reflection on our parenting. Who our child grows up to be is a reflection of the values we tried to instill in him. Our children are going to make poor choices, but when they admit, understand, and have consequences for the child-mistakes, they will have the skills and understanding to avoid and remedy the adult-mistakes. Love your child through the thick and thin, and he will know that is ok to make a mistake. Say, "I love you" in the most difficult times to remind him that your love never ends.

My Many Hats

A little about me...

I am a mother, wife, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, and teacher. I wear many different hats each day, and sometimes confuse them or they overlap depending on what I deal with throughout the day.

Considering my different roles and responsibilities, I'm not sure I can keep up with a blog. I hope this will serve as a journal to record my various experiences with students for when I retire and want to write a book about the life and times of a high school biology teacher so that I can afford retirement. Or maybe I want to record experiences of my friendships because I have some of the most amazing friendships and I want others to experience the same.

As a mother I feel extremely challenged, successful, failed, and rewarded. Last night I went through a series of emotions in 3 hours that went from being so proud of my little guy smacking the golf ball on a sunny spring afternoon, fear when he dumped his candy out on the putting green grass to eat it (it is full of very harsh chemicals that allow it to be so pretty--I am far from a germophobe!), contentness as we sat together and read three books before bed, anger when he yelled that he didn't want to go to bed, and proud of myself when he expressed, "you aren't my best friend!" You bet I'm not...I'm your mother and you better get used to it!

Motherhood and teaching have so many parallels...one of which is striking that balance between getting you children/students to love, respect, and mind you while not being their friend. You do everything in your power to make them love/like you, but act like you don't care the whole time...and tell them that. My mom was incredible at this! When I hated her all my friends loved her, and they all still do (I'm 31 now). She is now my very best friend, but not when I was younger...and thank goodness.

Sometimes I feel like a mother and teacher to my younger sister who is still finding her way in life. This is in liu of a friendship, which I think is on the horizon, but we just aren't quite there. I long for that sisterhood friendship that so many have, but I think I have found that in a non-sister friend. Even through the darkest and most difficult times we have remained friends unconditionally.

What I find is that my named role is not necessarily the same as my actual role. It is easy to confuse roles, use the wrong one at the wrong time, i.e. talking to my boss like I talk to my four year old son. I'll go into all my hats at school sometime...teacher, administrator, tech support, advisor, counselor, committee chairperson, treasurer, social coordinator, and even a mother.