Do your child a favor and allow him to solve his own problems. As a parent we never want our children to hurt or suffer, but it is those experiences that makes our children become the person we want them to be: strong, authentic, and resilient. Yes...resilient.
Absolutely, in a perfect world no person, young or old, should endure hurtful words or actions, but we all know this is not a perfect world. When our child hurts, we hurt, but we must put those feelings aside and take the opportunity to teach him how to respond because it is a cruel world out there. Do you really want the real world to be his first experience with cruelty?
Other important characteristics we want our children to acquire: confidence to ask questions in adverse situations, the desire to know truth, ability to empathize, and the healing effects of an apology. How can our children learn these with some adversity in their life?
These skills can all be learned at the earliest years.
"I don't understand this math, can you please help me?"This does not indciate stupidity, but recognition that "I do not not know everything" and others can help me. When we recognize and accept that we will never know everything and others will help, we have the confidence to ask others. Won't life be so much easier when they know how to ask for help?
"Sally told Mary that I don't like her." & "Mr. D gave me a detention, he doesn't like me."Often we let these types of statements control our emotions. When we hear our children say these types of statements we might feel hurt right along with them. Rather than that, suggest that they ask questions and seek the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but when the truth is sought out, often a resolution can be reached. Isn't harmony what we all want anyway?
"Haha. Johnny missed the ball during kickball."If we hear a statement like this it is a perfect opportunity to examine our personal weaknesses and discuss those insecurities. When we can admit that we aren't perfect then we can empathize with others and their struggles. Isn't nice when someone tries to understand and help rather than sit there and laugh?
"I'm sorry."The sooner we teach our children to say these two words with sincerity, and they learn how to change as result of it, the world will be a much better place. We have all experineced insincere apologies, and we have experience sincere apologies. Nothing can be more healing, for both parties, with a sincere admission of a mistake and the willingness to change for the better. Won't life be so much better when our children can admit that they made a mistake and move on?
Our children's mistakes are not a reflection on our parenting. Who our child grows up to be
is a reflection of the values we tried to instill in him. Our children are going to make poor choices, but when they admit, understand, and have consequences for the child-mistakes, they will have the skills and understanding to avoid and remedy the adult-mistakes. Love your child through the thick and thin, and he will know that is ok to make a mistake. Say, "I love you" in the most difficult times to remind him that your love never ends.
